


I Can Get Myself Back Together (With A Little Help)

by PaleNoFace



Series: Smeet Army AU [12]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Crying, Developing Relationship, Dib (Invader Zim) Needs Therapy, Dib Has Issues (Invader Zim), Dysfunctional Family, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Frustration, Gaz Being Gaz (Invader Zim), Good Sibling Gaz (Invader Zim), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Intervention, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Dib (Invader Zim), Pre Smeet Army Era, Professor Membrane Tries to Be a Better Parent, Protective Gaz (Invader Zim), Self-Esteem Issues, Tall Zim (Invader Zim), They're Not Okay But They're Trying, but isn't he always, but not from the beginning just picture that it happens along the way, dib's ugly crying, idk if it's accurate but what else do i call shock therapy done to a twelve years old boy, it's not nearly enough but it's a start, so much crying, the boi is fucked in the head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28536132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleNoFace/pseuds/PaleNoFace
Summary: "Is this an intervention ?" Dib asks warily, one foot already out of the kitchen as he prepares for an evasive maneuver."I dunno, do you need an intervention ?" Gaz growls.
Relationships: Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib & Professor Membrane, Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: Smeet Army AU [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658659
Comments: 16
Kudos: 62





	I Can Get Myself Back Together (With A Little Help)

**Author's Note:**

> CW for Dib having probably killed a racoon, and for Gaz breaking someone's arm. Rated T because everyone swears a lot.
> 
> (Also the title is probably bunch of lyrics I got from somewhere but I can't find the source for the life of me.)

**1.**

Gaz is four. She's four and still acclimating to live with others and has just set Dib's favorite picture book about monsters on fire.

There's anger and sadness growing in him, both at he same time, and a lot of it. It was HIS book. She had no business looking at it if it made her upset enough to burn it down.

"You know she doesn't like monsters," Dad admonishes, his grumpy daughter propped up on his hip.

All Dib knows is that it's not fair that he's the one being scolded. Unfair unfair _unfair_.

(He hides under his bed and cries for a whole afternoon. Dad tries to replace his book by another, but it's not the same. It doesn't feel like his.)

  
**2.**

"Fuck !" Dib screams, and throws his hearphones away from his head.

"Language !" Dad says from the living room, and Dib scowls and only swears a little quieter.

His left ear is ringing. He checks his recorder, and there, of course, as suspected : one of his classmates swapped his soundwaves samples by a recording of chalk on a blackboard.

 _Fuck_. He worked hard on those samples. Now he's gotta do it all over again.

  
**3.**

There's a disappointed sigh in his father's voice, and Dib hates how well he can read his expression despite his googles and stupid lab coat. He _loathes_ it.

"Oh, my poor son," his dad says, and Dib can almost recite by heart what follows, from hearing it too many times, "What am I to do with you ? Where did I go wrong ?"

While Dib wants to cry, to scream, to fight, he doesn't. Instead, he just turns around and leaves.

  
**4.**

"Man, you're so creepy," Gaz tells him when she sees folders upon folders of Swollen Eyeball reports all over the table, and it's only out of self-preservation that he doesn't throw his coffee cup at her.

He almost does, and puts it on the account that he hasn't slept in three days.

  
**5.**

Everyone in class is looking at him like he just shot someone in the head. Even Ms Bitters is staring at him through her foggy little glasses, at loss of what to say about his convoluted presentation about Zim's true identity and how he's going to eventually kill them all.

At the desk near the door, Zim clears his throat and rises a polite (three-fingered, clawed, clad in an alien glove) hand.

"I have an objection, though," he says, a manic grin all over his stupid green face. "You're wrong."

That's all it takes for their classmates to start booing Dib and throwing stuff at him. It's the half-full bean can that doees it, and he rushes into the hallway, barely containing the sobs of rage and frustration.

  
**6.**

The one time Dad is home, it has to be the night Dib comes back from a hunt, dragging behind him dirt and leaves and what _could_ just be a dead racoon but could definitely be a were-racoon as well. Gaz, sitting in front of their father at the dining table, turns back to look at him and freezes.

"Jesus _Christ_ ," she mutters, and throws her fork into her plate, appetite lost.

Professor Membrane, for once, has the kindness to keep his mouth shut, but Dib can feel the disgust and confusion radiating from him.

"Sorry," Dib murmurs, and all but runs up the stairs to hide in the shower.

(And if the scratches on his arms are a little deeper when he walks out, well. That's between him and the bottles of shampoo.)

  
**7.**

"A truce ?"

" _Peace_. I just want... peace and quiet. Is it too much to ask ?"

Zim stares at him like he just menaced to dismember GIR. Dib sighs, pushes the painful pang of his heart way way down, and screws his eyes shut over burning tears.

"Forget I said anything."

The punch, that has been frozen in the air until then, gets him right in the jaw.

  
**8.**

"I'm okay," Dib says.

"Liar," Gaz replies, and presses the gauze against his forehead a little more forcefully than strictly necessary.

"Ow," he says, softly, only half-convinced he's not hallucinating.

"Serves you right," she snaps, but it lacks the usual bite.

She takes a step back, inspecting her work, and once again Dib is wondering how she knew he was back at home. Maybe she put detectors on all the windows, after Zim's last break-in. He should check. His head hurts.

"Whose ass do I need to kick ?" she deadpans, putting away the first aid kit.

"Mine, probably."

"You always need to get your ass kicked, it doesn't count." She rolls her eyes. "Was it Zim again ?"

Dib doesn't reply, because, really, it's not a question that needs answering.

  
**9.**

"We're both creeps with no sense of boundaries, and we are lonely as fuck, and we should definitely do something about it."

Zim reluctantly agrees. Dib feels like he's holding a newborn chick in his hand and he might squish it at any given moment. He's not sure he likes it.

  
**10.**

Dib runs away from skool when one of his classmates uses their Crazy Card on him. He doesn't go home. He doesn't hide at Zim's base. Instead, he heads for the forest.

He only comes back three days later, covered in mud, with sticks and dead leaves in his hair, and his left forearm bloody and raw.

No one asks where he's gone. Dib wouldn't have an answer to give, anyway.

  
**11.**

Zim finds him at the old building they like to explore when they're not actively trying to kill each-other. For a long while, they say nothing, Dib standing too close to the edge of the roof, Zim right by him. Dib is looking down, at the void calling his name. Zim is looking up, at the sea of stars above their heads.

"Here for the sky ?" Zim asks.

There's a hopeful note in his voice. If Dib was a tiny bit more honest in his life, if he cared just a little less, he would have told the truth. He knows that Zim will detect the lie as soon as it leaves his lips.

"Yeah," he says anyway.

Zim makes a pained face, like he just got stabbed in the ribs, but doesn't call him out on his bullshit.

"Me too."

Dib tries so hard not to hear the double meaning.

After a while, Zim pulls him away from the edge by the back of his coat, and Dib...

Well. Dib always follows.

  
**12.**

Zim pulls the lever at the last possible second, stopping the ship from crashing into the passing comet.

"ARE YOU PERHAPS BRAIN-DEAD ?" he shrieks, right into Dib's ear. "What the FUCK are you doing ? Are you trying to kill us both ?!"

Dib opens his mouth, feeling righteous anger at being yelled at, about to tell him that no, he wasn't, he just wasn't thinking, wasn't paying attention, just didn't care, _didn't want to care, it doesn't matter anyway-_

He freezes.

Oh God. He was trying to kill them both.

"Fuck," he rasps, his hands shooting up to pull at his hair instead of lingering on the haft. "Fuck, fuck fuck fuck _fuck_."

Zim is in his face, annoyed and worried, crowding his space, as he does most days.

"Dib, hey. DIB. Look at Zim. Just, fuckin', look at me," the alien crouches at eye level, and then, almost reluctantly, quietly : "Are you okay ? You're freaking out."

Dib takes a deep breath. Steadies his hands. Pushes back against the panic attack clawing up his throat.

And lies to Zim.

  
**13.**

"Is this an intervention ?" Dib asks warily, one foot already out of the kitchen as he prepares for an evasive maneuver.

"I dunno, do you need an intervention ?" Gaz growls, her hands empty and flat on the tabletop.

He's already loading a pre-made answer when his eyes take in the whole image and he freezes, before pointing an accusing finger at a disguise-less Zim. "What is _he_ doing here ? Dad, how are you not seeing this ?!"

Neither Membrane nor the Invader respond, and the latter keeps sitting in front of Gaz, a knee propped up and hugging a mug of tea to his chest.

Professor Membrane, at the end of the table, coughs quietly in his glove. Or, more like, props his hand up to politely cough in it, uncaring for the collar of his lab coat still obviously in the way.

"Dib, son, could you please join us ?" He gestures at the only empty chair left. "We've been... Talking about some things, and we agreed that you should know about it."

Dib scoffs, but drags his feet to the table and drops himself into his seat, father across, sister at his left, nemesis on his right. Surrounded. Fine, then. If he's obligated to stay, he'll make it everyone's problem.

There's an awkward silence.

"Just get it over with," Dib scowls at his shoes, like they personally scorned him.

Zim sips louder, and looks anywhere but in his direction, his antennae flat on his skull. Gaz clears her throat. Dib has never seen her more uncomfortable.

"We think you need help. Like, genuine medical help."

He goes rigid. What the fuck is happening.

"You're sending me back to the Crazy House," he grits through his teeth, ready to jump and run away, but Membrane raises a glove.

"Actually," the Professor says, and his voice does something funny, "I got the place shut down last month. For endangering the life of minors, severe medical malpractice, and... several other things that should have made me not send you there in the first place. Or the multiple times after that."

_What the FUCK is happening._

"I think an apology is long overdue, son," Membrane continues, fidgeting with his gloves, drawing little latex noises from them. "You've been calling for help for years, and I... I failed to see it. Failed to see you. Worse, I punished you for it, and this is not, in any way, an acceptable behavior for a parent. I am truly sorry for my lack of attention, and for not meeting your needs sooner."

Dib turns towards Zim, fulminating.

"Is this one of your ploys ? Did you brainwash my dad, you asshole ?!" he accuses. "This is a whole new level of fucked up, even for you, Zim !"

"Dib-" Gaz growls, facepalming in exasperation.

"Zim is but a humble bystander in this mess," the alien mutters in his mug.

"Are you ? Are you really ?!"

"YOU'RE COMPLETELY PARANOID," Gaz shouts.

"And often delusional," Membrane adds.

"Also, a depressed bastard with terrible mood swings," Zim completes.

Dib sits back in his chair. His jaw hurts. He can't run, even if he wanted, because his legs are jelly.

"You need to see someone," Professor Membrane continues after a minute of tense silence. "A mental health professional."

"We made a list," Zim says, pointing at the sheet on the table, that Dib only just notices. "There are enough meat-brain medics in town for you to go through a few, if the first isn't to your convenience."

"Why are you doing this ? Where's the catch ?" Dib asks weakly, through clenched teeth and running tears. When the fuck did he start crying ?

Zim looks away uncomfortably. Membrane coughs again. It's Gaz, with a full body eye-roll, who answers him.

"Believe it or not, but we actually care about you."

Dib takes a deep breath. Two. Angrily wipes his tears away, and turns to the alien still sitting inexplicably in his kitchen.

"Swear to me this isn't one of your experiments, or some VR illusion bullshit or-"

Zim slams his mug down on the table hard enough to crack it, and grabs Dib's wrist in a death grip.

"Nemeses go in pairs," Zim reminds him, and his voice is way too calm and collected for how feverishly he's bruising Dib's arm. "If I lose you, I lose everything."

The young man takes a sharp breath and pulls his wrist free, before shoving an accusing finger at his father.

"I accept your apology, but it doesn't mean I'm forgiving you."

He turns to glare at his sister.

"And I don't need _you_ to advocate for my fucking mental health."

He goes back to glare at his alien.

"And you- don't think for a SECOND this gives you any kind of leverage on me."

He sits back. Takes another deep breath.

"If- If I agree to do this, I'm doing this for me. Not for any of you. Not for your peace of mind or whatever the fuck."

With that, he stands up, and stomps up the stairs.

"The hell are you doing in the closet ?" Gaz asks an hour later, and he's never been more glad that she doesn't have night vision to witness how much of a mess he is.

"Uh," he croaks, and his throat feels raw and slimy, and he hates everything right now. "Feel like there's a joke in there somewhere."

"The only joke in here is you," she glares, but sits in from of the cracked open door. "Are you okay ?"

Dib tries his best to breathe. He feels like he's drowning in his own tears.

"Dunno. I- I don't think so ? Everything is... too much."

She raises an eyebrow. He shrugs, at a loss.

"It's alright," she says quietly. "Not to be okay, I mean. You're allowed."

He sighs and buries his head back in his arms.

"You're doing it again," he tells her. "I don't- need your permission to be upset."

She looks uncomfortable again.

"...Is there some space in your closet for a second grumpy bitch, or is it already at full capacity ?"

He scoots, and she crawls next to him before drawing the door closed.

"Zim is gone, by the way," she informs him after a while of sitting in the dark. "He looked pretty shook when you left."

"Zim can go die in a ditch for all I care."

Gaz chuckles.

"You say that, but..."

"What ?" he grumbles, and shoots her an unimpressed glare.

"The whole if _I lose you, I lose everything_ stuff. That was pretty gay. You looked all flustered and shit."

"That's it, no more closet puns for you," Dib declares, and shoves her. "Get out."

"Bite me," she says. "You know we meant it, right ?"

"The paranoia part ?"

"No, you asshole. The fact that we care. And I know none of us is really good at showing it, but it's true. Dad thinks it's a given, that you matter to him, and sometimes he forgets to show it. Zim is really codependent of you, which is its own hornet nest that I refuse to poke at. And I... I guess I'm not the most emotionally open person around."

Dib snorts. Gaz elbows him in the ribs.

"I'm serious. We- _I_ love you," she emphasizes. "You're my brother, and a pain in my ass, and an obsessive fuckhead sometimes, plus your special interests are super fucked up, but... Yeah. It'd suck if you died thinking I have it out for you, or something."

"It's okay," Dib whispers, feeling suddenly very drained.

"Is it, though ?" Gaz replies. "You've been in distress for a long time, and we're only acting on it now."

"I mean, I am definitely resentful for all the bullshit I had to go through," Dib amends. "But I've DEFINITELY been putting other through as much bullshit, if not more. I kinda deserve it."

"You really don't."

He pretends he didn't heard that.

"But the fact that you... staged a fucking intervention, it means something. Probably." Then, like an afterthought : "It means something to me."

"It's okay." She leans carefully against his shoulder. "I'm sorry we're late."

Dib feels like crying again. He doesn't care if his sister sees him, this time.

"I'm sorry I'm such a nutbasket."

"...We'll work on that."

  
**14.**

"If it doesn't go well, I'm not coming back."

Professor Membrane nods and pulls onto the medical center's parking lot.

"The options are yours, son. You're in charge."

It doesn't make him feel better, but it only makes him more determined to be fine again.

  
**15.**

Zim kisses Dib.

They make out on the couch, clinging to each-other like a lifeline, and Dib feels like he got way more than a truce.

  
**16.**

"I just want you to stop LYING TO ME !" Zim howls, and throws his arms up in rage.

Dib takes a deep breath, pushes back against the panic and the bile at the back of his throat. If only Zim would back off--

"I am not going to leave your sorry ass if you acknowledge _for once in your stupid life_ that things aren't under your control ! Deal with it !" Zim insists, already well past the point where he needs someone else to fuel the conversation. "You're stuck with Zim ! And I'm SICK and TIRED of watching you muscle your way through like you're alone against the whole world ! Talking about your feelings for once won't kill you !"

"That's a whole new level of ironic, coming from you," Dib snarks back, and goes as far as rolling his eyes at his fuming alien.

"I AM WELL AWARE, YOU ASS."

"STOP YELLING AT ME."

They both stare at the other, faces flushed, lips pinched, insults pooling on their tongues.

"Get out," Zim all but spits at him. "Go for a walk, drink yourself into oblivion, I don't care. Don't come back before you're ready to actually put some effort into this."

Dib slams the door on his way out.

  
**17.**

"Oh God, here comes the freak..."

Dib frowns at the inside of his locker. He shouldn't let it get to him. It really shouldn't matter.

"You got a problem with my brother ?" Gaz calls loudly, right next to him.

The light flickers in the hallway, and Torque and Sam step back carefully.

"Gaz," Dib warns.

"Don't," she snarls. "If they have something to say, they can say it to me."

"Come on, Gaz," Keef pleads, leaning dangerously on his crutches somewhere behind Dib. "They were joking, right guys ? It was just a jest. It was-"

The lights go out. Some girls scream down the hallway. A professor yells at the students to get to class already.

"Gaz," Dib snaps, but his sister isn't listening to him.

Torque looks like he's about to square up, as if he's thinking that he can take her on 1v1. He obviously can't, but Dib isn't going to be the one saving him from a deserved ass-swooping. He closes his lockers and leaves for class, trying his best to ignore the dry snap of a broken bone, soon followed by howls of pain.

The lights blink back on.

  
**18.**

"Dib-love."

"Hm."

"Are you sick ?"

"No."

"Did you not sleep last night ?"

"I did."

"...Are you lying to me ?"

"Am not."

"Promise."

A sigh.

"I swear, I am not lying to you."

"Okay. Explain, then."

A shrug.

"It's just... one of those days."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Okay. Hum. I'm getting you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care."

"Okay."

"...If Zim brings you a snack, will you eat it ?"

"I... will try."

"Okay."

"..."

"..."

"What is it, Zim ?"

"I love you."

"...Love you too."

"Promise ?"

"Promise."

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, this one is kind of a mess, eh ? The timeline isn't clear here, but hey, who needs coherence. Leave kudos and comments, it feeds my determination !


End file.
